Basic Military Laws - Just for Laughs

• Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet on you.
• Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.
• Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
• Five second fuses always burn three seconds.
• The easy way is always mined.
• Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy other people to shoot at.
• If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in the combat zone.
• Incoming fire has the right of way.
• No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.
• No inspection ready unit has ever passed combat.
• If the enemy is within range, so are you.
• The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
• Tracers work both ways.
• Professional soldiers are predictable; the world is full of dangerous amateurs.
• Military Intelligence is a Contradiction.
• Mines are equal opportunity weapons.
• When in doubt, empty your magazine.
• The side with the simplest uniforms wins.
• Combat will occur on the ground between two adjoining maps.
• The most dangerous thing in the world is a Second Lieutenant with a map and a compass.
• The more a weapon costs, the farther you will have to send it away to be repaired.
• The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of the weapon's operator.
• If enough data is collected, a board of inquiry can prove anything.
• To steal information from a person is called plagiarism. To steal information from the enemy is called gathering intelligence.
• The weapon that usually jams when you need it the most is the G-3.
• The bursting radius of a hand grenade is always one foot greater than your jumping range.
• The crucial round is a dud.
• There is no such place as a convenient foxhole.
• Density of fire increases proportionally to the curiousness of the target.
• Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the General is watching.
• Your bivouac for the night is the spot where you got tired of marching that day.
• Things that must be together to work can never be shipped together.
• The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.
• If you have a personality conflict with your superior: he has the personality, you have the conflict.
• If you enter CO's office with an idea, most likely, you will leave his office with the CO's idea.
ONLY WAY TO AVOID A BULLET IS TO RUN FASTER THAN A BULLET